April: The month of Sorrow, Searching and Surrenduring

April is almost here. The most dreaded month of the year, in my book. The month that holds such pain and sorrow ever so cleverly weaved between the span of it's thirty measly days. The month of all months. The month with a sadness that runs so deep, the end seems nigh unattainable. It's a month to remember, or rather, a month that will never be forgotten no matter how hard I have tried. It's the month that will forever live in infamy.
In my own silly fashion, this year I had hoped to somehow skip over April and go directly to May. Kinda like when playing the game of monopoly and you pick the card that allows you to skip around the board landing directly on "Go" collecting $200. Unfortunately in the game of real life, that's not possible. I can't skip around, passing over those bitter, traumatic memories in hopes of escaping those thoughts and feelings that were so prevalent years ago. It can't be done. So, here April comes, in all it's glory. That infamous month is almost here and so are those same old, yet familiar feelings rising up in me. Feelings I wish to forget. But this time around, there are new thoughts and feelings and experiences that have joined the month of sadness.
For many years, April held one set of sorrows. For almost five years, it held the anniversary of the death of my little Brasen Creed. But as incredible as it sounds, this month not only holds one anniversary, but another as well. The anniversary of my breast cancer diagnosis somehow managed to wrangle it's way into the same month as little B's passing. I really should play the lottery way more than I do. What are the odds?!
It has now been almost one year since I was first diagnosed with breast cancer. And while this deranged month holds such pain, nightmares, fears, worries, tears and sorrow in it's greedy little paws, it also holds something else. Something new and different. Something that I thought may never take place. And while I am still progressing, growing, evolving, searching and learning, there is a change that has taken place in me that only comes when one's heart is surrendered to the Creator. A change that only God can do. When you are faced with your mortality and control over your life has vanished through your finger tips, there is freedom and healing that takes place. God has taught me so much this last year. It has been the most delightfully, difficult year that I have ever faced in my 35 young years. And I know there is so much more to learn. Lord willing, I will have many more years to search and surrender and to learn and grow. That is in God's hands. But for now, the month of April also holds a new-found growth and life changing experiences that have altered the way I perceive it. It will still be the month of sorrows- the grief a parent goes through when their child dies is not something you "get over". But rather, you grow through. The shock of a cancer diagnosis isn't taken lightly either. But the scar that is left after an open wound heals will always be a reminder of the pain you endured. But that same scar is also a reminder that you made it through. You healed. And you lived to tell the tale. The scar will always be there, but the pain has lessened. It hasn't ceased, but the intensity has decreased as your healing has taken place. And healing will always take place. God created out bodies so amazing; we have the ability to heal ourselves. We're basically like Wolverine in X-Men.
I may have been wounded and scarred. I may have felt such incredible heartache- heartache that I thought might just consume me and over take me. I may have felt the sting of my tears- tears I thought may never dry. But here I am, another year has passed and I am still moving forward. The scars are healing and the pain is receding. God has been so faithful. He has been by my side every single April. And He will continue to walk with me as I navigate this thing called life. April will always come, year after year, but God is bigger than any month of the year. He is bigger than any pain. He is bigger than any experience or diagnosis. April may be the month of sorrows, but it's also the month of searching and surrendering. It just might be the month I wish to NEVER forget, because it's the month that God made a change in me.

The ABC's of sleep: Counting your blessings instead of sheep

Do you ever struggle with falling asleep at night? Are you one of those people that feel exhausted during the day, finally climb in bed, shut off the light and your mind decides to go crazy with thoughts, worries, to-do's, regrets, fears, and everything else in-between? You struggle to quiet down your busy mind. Well, take heart, you're not alone. We all seem to struggle when the lights go out and the darkness consumes us. There's something about the quiet of the night that can be deafening. Our own minds can be the source of misery, unresolve and lack of sleep. Now, I don't claim to have it all figured out, because I don't;  I still have nights from time to time where sleep eludes me and I'm awake until the wee hours of the morning trying to shut off the brain so I can catch some zzz's. But I have found several tricks that have helped to leave the day behind and fall into a restful sleep. Now, some of you may not struggle with sleep. You may be one of those people that can lay their head on the pillow and you're out. If that's you, than I applaud you. That's a gift not all have, but all wish to possess. So, what I'm about to share won't be for you, but if you are like the other 99% that struggle with sleep, than this is for you!
We really need sleep. More than just a couple of fitful hours of sleep- we need real sleep. The kind where you are out all night, at least 8 hours. Sleep is that small window of time where our bodies will recharge and repair. It's a time of healing. Have you ever noticed after several nights of rough sleep, that you start to feel like you're getting sick? Your body feels run-down and you feel on edge. Everything seems to bug you and your fuse is short. It's because your body didn't have adequate time to repair, clean out, and declutter.
Sleep has been crucial for me in my cancer healing. I have strived to make that a very important part of my journey and I want to share a few tips and tricks I have learned to help me achieve a good night's rest!

Here are 5 things that I do to allow myself the best possible night's sleep-

1. Go to bed at an early hour. If you stay up until midnight every night, try to climb into bed a half hour earlier the following night. Do this until you can get your body into a good rhythm of going to bed at an earlier hour.
2. Allow yourself at least 8 hours in bed before you have to wake up the next morning.
3. Keep your room cold and dark.
4. Wear earplugs to keep sounds out.
5. Have a fan on or some sort of white noise while you sleep.

Those are 5 very normal things that you probably already know, but may need to reinforce if you are having trouble staying asleep. But here is also something else that I have done to help quiet my mind and to help me fall asleep at night.

Even with the stress and worry of cancer, I have been able to sleep relatively well. I have had some rough nights here and there where I can't stop thinking and worrying, but overall God has really helped me to get the sleep I need and to leave my worries and cares in His capable hands.
Every night before I go to sleep, I pray. But back in April 2017 I started to do something else. It's what I like to call the, "ABC's".
Before I tell you what that is, I want to share with you one of my favorite movies- White Christmas! I LOVE that movie! Well, there is a scene in the movie where Bing Crosby's character and Rosemary Clooney's character are both awake at a late hour. Rosemary is having trouble sleeping(or so her little sister insists), so Bing starts singing, "Count your blessings, instead of sheep". I can't help but think that he was on to something- counting our blessings.

                                                                 They are so cute!!!


I found, in my own life, that I needed to get my mind right before I could relax and sleep. I needed to thank God for my blessings and remember who HE is and what HE says in his word is true. That my "feelings" weren't true, but God was. That would relax me and help me to cast my cares onto Jesus. So, I began saying truth, which turned into the ABC's.


God is-


                   A. All powerful
                   B. Breathe
                   C. Compassionate
                   D. Devoted
                   E. Everlasting
                   F. Faithful
                   G. Good.......

I started going through the alphabet coming up with words that described who God is. That brought peace to my heart. It erased the fear and worry of the unknown to a known God. He is my source of strength and the one who is giving me peace amid my cancer storm.
I have also used the ABC method in positive affirmations.


I am-


               A. Authentic
               B. Blessed
               C. Caring
               D. Disciplined
               E. Enough
               F. Forgiven
               G. Glad.......


If you are struggling with sleep tonight and wrestling with your mind, try the ABC's and see if they work for you. If anything, they will help to set your mind on heavenly thoughts, rather than earthly ones. And if you like words, try thinking of as many as you possibly can for each letter! It can be a fun game and hopefully you will be so lost in thought, that you will forget life's stresses and fears for a few moments and can bring peace to your heart.




You are safe, you are cared for, you matter and you are loved. Rest well tonight and count your blessings instead of sheep.

My Trip To Walt Disney World With Stage 4 Cancer

I don't know about you, but I LOVE Disneyland! Most people have a love of Disney starting from a very young age, but I became a faithful fan in my adult years. My first ever trip to the happiest place on earth was when I was four years old. I don't even remember it. So, my first real taste of Disneyland was on my honeymoon at the age of 19. That's when my lifelong love and commitment started....with Disney that is! My first and only trip to Walt Disney World was when I was 13. I remember loving Epcot and longed to visit again ever since. Well, my opportunity to relive my Epcot dream was about to happen. My husbands job as an area rep with FCA(Fellowship of Christian Athletes)planned Real Time(a time of fun and fellowship for staff and spouses)in Orlando Florida. Real Time takes place every three years and we had just missed out on the Real Time three years ago in Texas. When we heard where it was going to take place in 2018, we were so excited. Then cancer came into out lives in April 2017. I wasn't sure if I would be able to make the trip in February 2018. I didn't know where my health would be at that point and if I would even be able to travel that far from home. But my dream of visiting Walt Disney World as an adult became a reality. I could make the trip! I was going to Disney World!!

               Yes, please!! ALL the coffee!!! Especially at 4:30 in the morning. Disney World here I come!

                                                                I LOVE to fly!!!



                                                      EPCOT 2018

               

I'm here!!!!!

I don't even know what I'm doing here, but I had to show you my cute, sparkly, Mickey ears shirt!

The Frozen ride! My FAVORITE!!!

Sporting my Minnie ears with pride!!

Great Britain-My favorite place in Epcot! Lord willing I can visit the REAL Great Britain someday!

And I would totally do this in London with a real Queen's guard!! 

I LOVE rides!!

 This scooter was the BEST idea ever! There is nothing like Chemo tired and this helped save my energy! 

Good bye Epcot!!

Magic Kingdom

I'm just a little bit excited to get on the monorail to Magic Kingdom! 

Duh!! I'm pretty sure in my past life I was a Disney Princess...just sayin'!

Just me and the castle!

So beautiful at night!

 8 tips for Disney when you have cancer-

 1. Wash hands liberally. Hand sanitizer is your friend

                      2. Bring your own water bottle and drink half your weight in water.

                                    3. Wear a good sun hat and sunscreen. Your skin is sensitive when you're on chemo and/or meds.

                                   4. Eat healthy. There are a good deal of healthy food options at the parks, or you can bring your own food.

                                    5. Bring your vitamins and meds into the park so you don't forget to take them.

                                  6. Rent a scooter or wheelchair. You may feel silly, but it will save your legs and your energy. Plus, those things are quite fun to drive around! :)

                                7. Take LOTS of pictures! Even if you don't like your picture taken, do it anyway. You never know when you will be back to Disney World and you will want those memories!                                   

                                   8. HAVE FUN!! You are at the happiest place on earth, so enjoy yourself, forget your worries, forget life back home, and have the time of your life. 

Well, there you have it. My Disney trip in a nutshell. What a blast we had. I am so thankful I was healthy enough to make it because it was definitely a trip of a lifetime. Getting out of your normal routine and going on an adventure is the recipe for health and happiness; even if you don't have cancer. Life can be difficult. Everyone seems to be going through their own personal struggles these days. Doing something new and different can break up the monotonous lifestyle we lead. So, my advice to you is this: Take the Trip, Buy the shoes, Eat the cake, cause life is short and the time is NOW!

Even though I'm 25+ years old and have kids of my own, Disney brings out the kid in me and that's a good thing! Good bye Disney World! Until next time....

Juice, Juice, Juice

 JUICE:

 I first heard about juicing just over 5 years ago. It was definitely a foreign concept to me. But I was intrigued. So, I purchased a juicer and began the life of juicing. However, I didn't know that exactly 4 years later I would be diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer and would need that juicer now more than ever. I was only ever an occasional juicer, but now, I am an avid juicer. I drink between 40-60 ounces every day. I believe it plays an important role in healing my body and restoring my cells back to the way God created them to be. I have four juice recipes that I rotate between, but I am only sharing two with you today!

Here is my first juice recipe: Carrot juice

Carrot Juice Recipe:

Equal parts carrot and apple(1 apple = 3 carrots)

1 lemon(I leave the skin on)

1 large piece of ginger(ginger is spicy so start out small and adjust to taste)

1 small piece of turmeric

Push it all through your juicer, strain, pour into a glass, and enjoy!

My other juice recipe is: Green juice

 

                                                                           Hehe :)

Green juice recipe:

2 green apples

1 cucumber

6 stalks celery

half of a lemon

2 large handfuls of kale/spinach

1 large piece of ginger

1 small piece of turmeric

Mix it all up and enjoy!

And there you have it! Two very delicious and very healthy juice recipes to help you on your journey to health. Bottoms up!

Mixed Drinks

I have done a lot of research over the last 8 months and have found a plethora of excellent information on eating healthy to heal cancer.  I have felt that adopting that lifestyle was vital in my cancer healing journey as well as chemo. I'm going to share with you two of my mixed drinks recipes!

First thing when I wake up, I have my morning drink to help cleanse my organs and to get my bowels moving(a nice way to say, go #2 :)! I never realized how important having bowel movements were until I got cancer. The more you go during the day, the less toxic you are. And the less toxic you are, the less hospitable your body will be to growing cancer. I have learned a lot, I tell ya! So, this is the perfect drink first thing in the morning upon rising.

My morning drink is:

1 glass of alkaline water
1-2 teaspoons organic apple cider vinegar
half of a lemon squeezed
1-2 teaspoons of pure organic moringa powder

Mix together and gulp down. The taste is rather unpleasant.....ok, really unpleasant, but however you have to get it down, do it. I have been drinking this every single morning, since April. It helps to alkaline your body and to clear out junk stored in your organs.  Happy morning to ya!

The next mixed drink is a cancer fighting smoothie. I drank these every day in the summer. I haven't had them nearly as much this winter because I am a cold blooded person and I tend to freeze when I drink cold stuff. But I'm trying to get back into drinking them again because they are chalk full of good, healthy cancer fighting stuff!

Smoothie recipe:

1 cup frozen berries
1 tablespoon broccoli sprouts
1 tablespoon ground flax seed
1 cup water and/or carrot apple juice
1 or 2 dates for sweetness
1 avacado
handful of spinach or other greens

Blend it all together and enjoy! :)

There you have it! A couple of my mixed drinks recipes that I love. I will share with you my juice recipes in another blog post. Who knew mixed drinks could be so good for you?! :) 

Happy Thursday!

When Life Doesn't Go According to Plan: Trusting God when it hurts

We have all made plans at some point in our life. We plan out just about everything. Work, trips, parties, friends, grocery shopping, etc. There always seems to be a plan for just about everything in life. It all started when we were young. Our mother planned out our naps, our feedings were planned, our play dates were planned and so forth. That is how our life began and how the trend continued throughout every facet of our lives.
You know how when you were a kid and you dreamt of what your life would be like when you became an adult and all the possibilities and excitement for the future seemed to ooze out of your every pore? How you just couldn't wait to grow up and become something amazing; do something amazing. When you were in grade school you were asked that question, "What do you want to be when you grow up, "And we would answer with, "A fireman, a teacher, a police officer, etc.". From the moment of birth, you are achieving goals and milestones and are expected to continue that throughout your life; always moving forward to reach the next stage in life. Growing up and becoming another year older is constantly on your mind. You just can't wait to lose your first tooth. Waiting to be double digits seemed to take forever. Then you can't wait to be a teenager and have more freedom. Oh! And getting your driver's license on your sweet 16th is like a dream come true. Turning 18 and graduating from high school is thrilling, yet terrifying. Mostly thrilling. And finally, you reached that seemingly unattainable age of 18. You feel mature and wise beyond your years, ready to take on the world. Your future is at your finger tips; bright and optimistic. It's the first time in your young life that you feel as if you can do anything that you put your mind to. The possibilities are endless. You make lists, you create a dream board, you fantasize, you ponder and you plan out your future accordingly. The next step in your every progressing life, is finding out what you want to do with the rest of it. You dream of going to college and getting just the right degree which will land you just the right job. You dream of finding the right guy which will naturally end with a magical proposal. You dream of getting engaged to Mr. right and picking out the most perfect wedding dress. You dream of organizing and planning out the most amazing wedding which the world has never before seen, which, coincidently, is not all that difficult since you have been planning all those details since you were about the age of 4. You dream of getting married, having kids and having your very own family. You dream of growing old with the man of your dreams to a ripe old age of  91, at the very least. You dream of every thing being exactly what you always hoped for- your very own happily ever after.
Now, things aren't always perfect and you know that. Thoughts of pain, heartache, relationship troubles, disease and death brush across your mind from time to time, but those thoughts are fleeting and won't remain as the core of your existence. Why would they? You're young. You're in control. You're invincible.
But what happens when things don't go according to the plan? When everything falls apart before it even began?  When life is cut short. When your dad walks out on your family. When you lose your job. When your marriage falls apart. When your "friends" betray you. When disease and cancer come?
What happens then? Aren't we told to ALWAYS stick to the plan? How can you have a plan if you don't follow it? It's not the plan anymore. It can't be.
Finding out that I had cancer at the age of 34 was not in the plan. In fact, there have been quite of few things in my life that haven't gone according to plan. Skin cancer and losing my baby boy were not part of the plan either. From the outside, my plan looks a little like, "It appears there was a struggle". And yes, there have been copious amounts of "struggle" in my life. The struggle is real, folks. It's painful and it hurts. There are so many things in my life I wish were different- especially this cancer. So many things that didn't pan out the way I had envisioned and dreamed. I feel cheated, defeated and even slightly betrayed. Why didn't my life go according to the plan? Why did God allow these things into my life? Didn't He get the memo? Didn't He see what I wanted out of life? Didn't He see all my aspirations and goals? Didn't He realize that I wanted to watch my children grow up and I wanted to become a cute, little old lady with an adorable hat and cane? How did He not know the plan? How could He get it wrong?
But you know what? I have realized something. Maybe everything in my life, and in your life, thus far, as gone according to the plan, down to the very minute detail? Maybe it's gone according to the plan more than our plan would have? Maybe it's been EXACTLY what the plan was supposed to be all along?
Maybe the plan has been- there is no plan. Even though we created our plans and fully intended to carry them out, maybe it wasn't in our power to create them? Maybe it's been God's plan from the very start. And it all began when we were formed in our mother's womb.

God knew, before we were born, who we were going to be and what we were going to do. He knows the number of our days and has a plan for our life. He has the whole world in his hands and He's got the master plan. It's not the rough draft, but the finally copy. It's not etched in pencil with things scribbled or crossed out from us changing the plan. It's etched in blood. In Jesus blood; the blood He shed for us on the cross when He died for us. If God, who didn't have a written "plan" or blueprints to create the world, could breathe into existence, not only the entire universe, but you and me and make it something beautiful. Then why could He not be trusted with holding our plan in His ever capable hands?
The sting of a life gone awry is difficult to accept. I know it is. I'm right there with you in the trenches. I wanted an easy, healthy, fun life. I wanted to grow old with my husband. Just like a kid, I am waiting in anticipation for my next birthday, that next milestone, because then I know that I am still alive to grow another year older. Growing older truly is a gift that not all receive. Knowing that God has a plan and purpose doesn't make all the pain and heartache go away. But knowing who God is and knowing that we are just passing through this life onto the next, reaching our finally milestone, -life in heaven. That will help to put our lives into perspective. We know why we are here and where we are going when the end comes. We can trust that God knows what He is doing and that He is waiting, with arms open, for us to complete our life race and He will be there to greet us at the pearly gates.
This life and journey can be one full of disappointments. When we look at our circumstances and the world around us, we get stressed and depressed, but looking to God we know we are blessed. It's not a life gone awry, but a life gone a-right. God has been with us from the beginning and He won't leave us now. He can be trusted. When we think that our plan has failed and fallen apart, that's when we come to find out that the plan is exactly what it was meant to be. We have followed the plan all along- God's plan.

Mistletoe

Mistletoe as a cancer treatment. Yes, you read that right! Mistletoe extract is an alternative treatment I am doing to help fight cancer. I know, you're probably thinking that I'm talking about the little green, leafy plant that we hold over someone's head in order to steal a kiss. No, no leafy plants here. This is actually a liquid extract from the greens that is carefully administered through injection into the fatty layer of your stomach. I administer these injections myself at home. Mistletoe has been around for centuries. It was first used by the Druids and ancient Greeks. Modern interest for cancer treatment began in the 1920's. It's not common in the US, however, it is widely used in Europe.
Never in all my life, would I have thought that I would be giving myself shots to the belly, with mistletoe no less, but my husband and myself have done extensive cancer research over the last 8 months and have found great encouragement in the natural, cancer world. I am still taking an oral chemo, but I am a huge advocate for natural remedies and do quite a bit myself to aid in my cancer fight. I have never felt that "one" defense was all that was necessary in curing cancer. I believe you need to hit it with multiple defenses. Hit it from all sides. Over the course of the next several months I will share with you everything that I am doing to help my body's immune system fight off this disease- from food and supplements, to infusions and injections.

Here are a few photos to show you how the injection is administered!

The cute little bag that my injections are sent home with me from the Naturopathic clinic! So cute right?!

Gotta sterilize the site before injecting. Make sure it dries before administering or else you will feel the burn. Youch! At least, that's what I've been told.

And here is the enormous needle used! Ok, it's actually rather small, but seems large, especially when you are doing it to yourself! After the site is sterilized, give yourself a little poke and viola you're done! I give myself these injections 2-3 times a week. No big deal! There you have it. All you need to know about mistletoe that you never wanted to know!


If you are fighting cancer or know someone who is, please send them my way. I don't claim to have it all figured out, but I have learned a lot and I want to help people to understand that cancer doesn't have to be a death sentence. There is more out there than just chemo and radiation. There are other elements that help you through the chemo sickness and hair loss. There are agents that aid in boosting your immune system. There are other tools and defense mechanisms that you can use rather than just chemotherapy, and most of all, there is hope. It's a journey. But all journey's have a destination.