The day my baby went to Heaven

April 24, 2013 is not just any day in history, it's the day my baby went to Heaven. He would have been 5 years old this year. He would most likely be running through the house with his two older brothers firing nerf guns at each other or building legos together or jumping on the trampoline or riding his bike. I imagine him as a happy, go lucky kid full of personality and wit. He probably would have kept me on my toes. I imagine he would have had a redish tint to his hair and sprinkling of freckles across his cheeks and cute little nose. I imagine he would have fit perfectly in our home. I think he would have brought such joy and laughter to our family had he not left this world in a hurry. And oh boy would he have been loved to pieces. 

Five years ago, I went into labor knowing the outcome of leaving the hospital with a baby was slim. Nonetheless, I had hoped beyond hoped we would. He came into the world in a hurry and left the world in the same fashion. He was in such an awful big hurry. Why? Because he knew he would go straight into the arms of Jesus that day and he was beyond thrilled to get there. I still don't understand why he couldn't stay with me and be my baby boy here on earth, but I don't fault him for wanting to be with Jesus. I do too.

I held his lifeless body in my arms and cried. I kissed his little cheek and touched his precious little feet and toes. Though his little body was far from whole, he is complete and whole in heaven. I miss what would have been. I miss what could have been. And I miss him. Thank you Jesus for entrusting his life to me. Although it was a short life, it was a beautiful life and I am so thankful I had the pleasure of being his mom. 

A piece of my heart lives in Heaven and a piece of heaven lives in my heart. He will always be remembered and never forgotten. He was and is a member of the Seals family and will always be my baby boy. Happy 5th birthday Brasen Creed Seals. You are loved.

Believe Big

So, you know how there are times in life when something takes place that you know is more than a coincidence? Something so divine that you know it is nothing short of a God thing? Well, that happened to me about a month and a half ago. 

Ryan and I were in Florida for FCA Reel time and had an amazing time! We met so many awesome people. People all with one common goal and vision. I absolutely LOVE meeting new people and had a blast getting to fellowship with FCAer's from all across America. But one woman in particular stood out from the rest, though, because she survived cancer. Stage 4 colon cancer no less. 

When you have cancer, you just seem to gravitate to anyone and everyone that has had cancer and is still living. It's like they're an anomaly or something. When you have cancer, you're always looking for the answer, the key, the guide, or the magic pill to cure your own cancer, so when you meet someone who has passed that monumental 5 year mark and is still cancer free, you take notice.

Ivelisse had stage 4 colon cancer 10 years ago and cured it through her diet and through Misletoe. I have talked a little about Mistletoe on my blog in an earlier post. But it is an alternative cancer treatment that fights cancer. I started doing Mistletoe injections through a clinic in Meridian back in September. But I first heard about it from a newly found fellow breast cancer friend about a year ago. Now, I was a little skeptical at first, because, well, it's Mistletoe. It's a green leafy thing that comes out around Christmas time and is used for kissing. I had never heard of it in conjunction with cancer. But I was intrigued. We researched it. My breast cancer friend also told me about this website called, "Believe Big" that offered grants to cancer patients to do IV mistletoe treatments. I remember looking at the website and feeling overwhelmed. I had barely found out I had cancer and my brain was on over load. I didn't know where to begin, who to talk to, and noticed that there weren't any clinics in my area that offered these IV Mistletoe treatments, so I researched no more and all but forgot about "Believe Big".

Fast forward to the end of February at Reel Time and meeting Ivelisse, the founder of "Believe Big". We're at a convention with more than 1500 people and I meet the very lady that started this foundation that I had looked into a year prior. Not a coincidence. 

Now, fast forward to today, I received a grant from "Believe Big" to do these IV Mistletoe treatments in Denver. I will be traveling down there the end of this month and will be doing 10 treatments. I will be there for almost 2 weeks. I'm excited and nervous, but really hopeful. I believe God has lead me to this clinic and this treatment, so I'm excited to see what God is going to do. I have never been away from my kids for more than 6 days, so this will be a stretch for me. But I am praying it will be a rewarding, healing time while I am away. 

When things in life happen that are out of our control(like cancer), we can respond in a myriad of ways. We can become angry and bitter, we can become sad and depressed or we can become hopeful. I have experienced all of these emotions at one time or another. Sometimes all of them at once. But I keep coming back to "hopeful". I believe God is calling me to trust him and to have "hope" that I will be healed and cancer free someday soon. I believe God is calling me to, "Believe Big".

I would so appreciate your prayers as I begin this new journey in my cancer process. It will be a stretching, growing time, but one that I hope proves fruitful.  

Will you believe big with me?

                                           

https://www.gofundme.com/kimi-seals-medical-expenses

The day I wrote a book

Almost exactly one year ago, I was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. My official one year anniversary has almost arrived. I feel as if I have hit a huge milestone in my life and should celebrate royally! Another year survived and another year alive- that's something to celebrate!
This cancer journey has been nothing short of a crazy, scary, amazing, blessed, stretching, growing, refining, shocking, trusting experience. I have grown so much in a year. I am learning so much about myself and who I am and who God is. And I still have so much more to learn, but it's amazing what can happen in one year. And it's crazy to think that exactly one year ago my cancer journey began as well as another journey. My journey of becoming an accidental author and publishing my very first book began the same day that I found out I had cancer. What a CRAZY, super cool experience that has been. Never in a million years would I have imagined writing and publishing my own book. But then again, never in a million years did I expect to get cancer at the age of 34. You just never know what's going to happen in life. I am so totally for YOLO- You only live once. Because that is exactly what we get; one life and we need to make the absolute MOST of this one life we have. I have learned to not take this life for granted. Life and health is such a gift that I never truly understood until cancer came into the picture. When the big "C" came, I felt such an overwhelming urge to write a book. It was more than an urge, it was God speaking to me, nudging me, whispering into my ear, "cancer came so you can write a book".  So I did.
When I look back and really truly think about it, I can't believe that I actually did that. I don't even know how I did it or how I had the time, energy, brain power, stamina, and everything else you need to have when writing words down in a coherent manor. How did I do it?  I had so many doctor appointments, scans, pills, meds, infusions and everything else under the sun filling my time and stealing my thoughts with my cancer. How did I write a book in 6 months? God- that's how. God in all his grace, gave me all that I needed to face this long, intense cancer journey and the same God of all grace gave me what I needed to write my very first book! Now that is a true miracle. But I shouldn't really be that surprised, because God is in the business of performing miracles. The verse, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me", runs through my head constantly. God has given me the strength to not only face cancer with a fierce determination to beat it and to live, and he has given me the strength to do the things that I never thought would be possible- becoming an author. I call myself an "accidental author" because writing books at this stage in my life was not on my radar. It was something I had imagined for myself when I was a kid, but not something I planned to do at the age of 34 with 4 little kids to raise, being a wife and mama. But God had other plans. Isn't that always the case? We can plan our course, but God is the one who directs our steps.

Cancer was and is a very scary reality in my life right now. It's been a huge life changing, faith boosting, mind strengthening, fear inducing battle. I have never before put my life, trust, hope and faith into the hands of Jesus like I have since this journey began. I'm not sure where I will be a year from now or what this next year will hold, but knowing God holds my future in His hands and has a plan and a purpose for my life no matter how long or short it is gives me peace.

As for now, my future holds more cancer treatment. More alternative treatments. Eating healthy, taking supplements, getting rid of this crazy cancer and writing my 2nd book. I will basically be living in Denver for 2 weeks the end of this month, so my hope is to get a good portion of my second book completed and Lord willing, get it published this fall. Eeekk!!

 This life is a tricky one. With lots of twists and turns. We don't know where our journey will take us, what we will do or become, but our job is to make the most of this one life we have been given. Give it your all. Do your best. Do all the things that you never thought possible. Be the best you that you can be. We won't get out of this life alive, so make the most of the time you have. I am learning that. Every day I am learning more and more. Learning to let go and let God.

Seeing my book on Amazon has been beyond amazing. It's a dream come true. A dream I never really dreamed, but God ordained. I truly can't describe how it feels to accomplish something like that. I am feeling all the feels. If you want to check it out, here is the link-
https://www.amazon.com/Beauty-Ashes-Journey-through-cancer/dp/0999470094/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1522900806&sr=8-1&keywords=kimi+seals


Thank you to those who have loved me, supported me, and have helped me along this journey! I couldn't have done it without you! You just never know what might happen in your life. You just might do that thing that scares you the most, but brings you the most joy. That thing that gave you the most satisfaction. Gave you hope. Gave you life. Do that thing, because life is short. So, do it today!

April: The month of Sorrow, Searching and Surrenduring

April is almost here. The most dreaded month of the year, in my book. The month that holds such pain and sorrow ever so cleverly weaved between the span of it's thirty measly days. The month of all months. The month with a sadness that runs so deep, the end seems nigh unattainable. It's a month to remember, or rather, a month that will never be forgotten no matter how hard I have tried. It's the month that will forever live in infamy.
In my own silly fashion, this year I had hoped to somehow skip over April and go directly to May. Kinda like when playing the game of monopoly and you pick the card that allows you to skip around the board landing directly on "Go" collecting $200. Unfortunately in the game of real life, that's not possible. I can't skip around, passing over those bitter, traumatic memories in hopes of escaping those thoughts and feelings that were so prevalent years ago. It can't be done. So, here April comes, in all it's glory. That infamous month is almost here and so are those same old, yet familiar feelings rising up in me. Feelings I wish to forget. But this time around, there are new thoughts and feelings and experiences that have joined the month of sadness.
For many years, April held one set of sorrows. For almost five years, it held the anniversary of the death of my little Brasen Creed. But as incredible as it sounds, this month not only holds one anniversary, but another as well. The anniversary of my breast cancer diagnosis somehow managed to wrangle it's way into the same month as little B's passing. I really should play the lottery way more than I do. What are the odds?!
It has now been almost one year since I was first diagnosed with breast cancer. And while this deranged month holds such pain, nightmares, fears, worries, tears and sorrow in it's greedy little paws, it also holds something else. Something new and different. Something that I thought may never take place. And while I am still progressing, growing, evolving, searching and learning, there is a change that has taken place in me that only comes when one's heart is surrendered to the Creator. A change that only God can do. When you are faced with your mortality and control over your life has vanished through your finger tips, there is freedom and healing that takes place. God has taught me so much this last year. It has been the most delightfully, difficult year that I have ever faced in my 35 young years. And I know there is so much more to learn. Lord willing, I will have many more years to search and surrender and to learn and grow. That is in God's hands. But for now, the month of April also holds a new-found growth and life changing experiences that have altered the way I perceive it. It will still be the month of sorrows- the grief a parent goes through when their child dies is not something you "get over". But rather, you grow through. The shock of a cancer diagnosis isn't taken lightly either. But the scar that is left after an open wound heals will always be a reminder of the pain you endured. But that same scar is also a reminder that you made it through. You healed. And you lived to tell the tale. The scar will always be there, but the pain has lessened. It hasn't ceased, but the intensity has decreased as your healing has taken place. And healing will always take place. God created out bodies so amazing; we have the ability to heal ourselves. We're basically like Wolverine in X-Men.
I may have been wounded and scarred. I may have felt such incredible heartache- heartache that I thought might just consume me and over take me. I may have felt the sting of my tears- tears I thought may never dry. But here I am, another year has passed and I am still moving forward. The scars are healing and the pain is receding. God has been so faithful. He has been by my side every single April. And He will continue to walk with me as I navigate this thing called life. April will always come, year after year, but God is bigger than any month of the year. He is bigger than any pain. He is bigger than any experience or diagnosis. April may be the month of sorrows, but it's also the month of searching and surrendering. It just might be the month I wish to NEVER forget, because it's the month that God made a change in me.

The ABC's of sleep: Counting your blessings instead of sheep

Do you ever struggle with falling asleep at night? Are you one of those people that feel exhausted during the day, finally climb in bed, shut off the light and your mind decides to go crazy with thoughts, worries, to-do's, regrets, fears, and everything else in-between? You struggle to quiet down your busy mind. Well, take heart, you're not alone. We all seem to struggle when the lights go out and the darkness consumes us. There's something about the quiet of the night that can be deafening. Our own minds can be the source of misery, unresolve and lack of sleep. Now, I don't claim to have it all figured out, because I don't;  I still have nights from time to time where sleep eludes me and I'm awake until the wee hours of the morning trying to shut off the brain so I can catch some zzz's. But I have found several tricks that have helped to leave the day behind and fall into a restful sleep. Now, some of you may not struggle with sleep. You may be one of those people that can lay their head on the pillow and you're out. If that's you, than I applaud you. That's a gift not all have, but all wish to possess. So, what I'm about to share won't be for you, but if you are like the other 99% that struggle with sleep, than this is for you!
We really need sleep. More than just a couple of fitful hours of sleep- we need real sleep. The kind where you are out all night, at least 8 hours. Sleep is that small window of time where our bodies will recharge and repair. It's a time of healing. Have you ever noticed after several nights of rough sleep, that you start to feel like you're getting sick? Your body feels run-down and you feel on edge. Everything seems to bug you and your fuse is short. It's because your body didn't have adequate time to repair, clean out, and declutter.
Sleep has been crucial for me in my cancer healing. I have strived to make that a very important part of my journey and I want to share a few tips and tricks I have learned to help me achieve a good night's rest!

Here are 5 things that I do to allow myself the best possible night's sleep-

1. Go to bed at an early hour. If you stay up until midnight every night, try to climb into bed a half hour earlier the following night. Do this until you can get your body into a good rhythm of going to bed at an earlier hour.
2. Allow yourself at least 8 hours in bed before you have to wake up the next morning.
3. Keep your room cold and dark.
4. Wear earplugs to keep sounds out.
5. Have a fan on or some sort of white noise while you sleep.

Those are 5 very normal things that you probably already know, but may need to reinforce if you are having trouble staying asleep. But here is also something else that I have done to help quiet my mind and to help me fall asleep at night.

Even with the stress and worry of cancer, I have been able to sleep relatively well. I have had some rough nights here and there where I can't stop thinking and worrying, but overall God has really helped me to get the sleep I need and to leave my worries and cares in His capable hands.
Every night before I go to sleep, I pray. But back in April 2017 I started to do something else. It's what I like to call the, "ABC's".
Before I tell you what that is, I want to share with you one of my favorite movies- White Christmas! I LOVE that movie! Well, there is a scene in the movie where Bing Crosby's character and Rosemary Clooney's character are both awake at a late hour. Rosemary is having trouble sleeping(or so her little sister insists), so Bing starts singing, "Count your blessings, instead of sheep". I can't help but think that he was on to something- counting our blessings.

                                                                 They are so cute!!!


I found, in my own life, that I needed to get my mind right before I could relax and sleep. I needed to thank God for my blessings and remember who HE is and what HE says in his word is true. That my "feelings" weren't true, but God was. That would relax me and help me to cast my cares onto Jesus. So, I began saying truth, which turned into the ABC's.


God is-


                   A. All powerful
                   B. Breathe
                   C. Compassionate
                   D. Devoted
                   E. Everlasting
                   F. Faithful
                   G. Good.......

I started going through the alphabet coming up with words that described who God is. That brought peace to my heart. It erased the fear and worry of the unknown to a known God. He is my source of strength and the one who is giving me peace amid my cancer storm.
I have also used the ABC method in positive affirmations.


I am-


               A. Authentic
               B. Blessed
               C. Caring
               D. Disciplined
               E. Enough
               F. Forgiven
               G. Glad.......


If you are struggling with sleep tonight and wrestling with your mind, try the ABC's and see if they work for you. If anything, they will help to set your mind on heavenly thoughts, rather than earthly ones. And if you like words, try thinking of as many as you possibly can for each letter! It can be a fun game and hopefully you will be so lost in thought, that you will forget life's stresses and fears for a few moments and can bring peace to your heart.




You are safe, you are cared for, you matter and you are loved. Rest well tonight and count your blessings instead of sheep.

My Trip To Walt Disney World With Stage 4 Cancer

I don't know about you, but I LOVE Disneyland! Most people have a love of Disney starting from a very young age, but I became a faithful fan in my adult years. My first ever trip to the happiest place on earth was when I was four years old. I don't even remember it. So, my first real taste of Disneyland was on my honeymoon at the age of 19. That's when my lifelong love and commitment started....with Disney that is! My first and only trip to Walt Disney World was when I was 13. I remember loving Epcot and longed to visit again ever since. Well, my opportunity to relive my Epcot dream was about to happen. My husbands job as an area rep with FCA(Fellowship of Christian Athletes)planned Real Time(a time of fun and fellowship for staff and spouses)in Orlando Florida. Real Time takes place every three years and we had just missed out on the Real Time three years ago in Texas. When we heard where it was going to take place in 2018, we were so excited. Then cancer came into out lives in April 2017. I wasn't sure if I would be able to make the trip in February 2018. I didn't know where my health would be at that point and if I would even be able to travel that far from home. But my dream of visiting Walt Disney World as an adult became a reality. I could make the trip! I was going to Disney World!!

               Yes, please!! ALL the coffee!!! Especially at 4:30 in the morning. Disney World here I come!

                                                                I LOVE to fly!!!



                                                      EPCOT 2018

               

I'm here!!!!!

I don't even know what I'm doing here, but I had to show you my cute, sparkly, Mickey ears shirt!

The Frozen ride! My FAVORITE!!!

Sporting my Minnie ears with pride!!

Great Britain-My favorite place in Epcot! Lord willing I can visit the REAL Great Britain someday!

And I would totally do this in London with a real Queen's guard!! 

I LOVE rides!!

 This scooter was the BEST idea ever! There is nothing like Chemo tired and this helped save my energy! 

Good bye Epcot!!

Magic Kingdom

I'm just a little bit excited to get on the monorail to Magic Kingdom! 

Duh!! I'm pretty sure in my past life I was a Disney Princess...just sayin'!

Just me and the castle!

So beautiful at night!

 8 tips for Disney when you have cancer-

 1. Wash hands liberally. Hand sanitizer is your friend

                      2. Bring your own water bottle and drink half your weight in water.

                                    3. Wear a good sun hat and sunscreen. Your skin is sensitive when you're on chemo and/or meds.

                                   4. Eat healthy. There are a good deal of healthy food options at the parks, or you can bring your own food.

                                    5. Bring your vitamins and meds into the park so you don't forget to take them.

                                  6. Rent a scooter or wheelchair. You may feel silly, but it will save your legs and your energy. Plus, those things are quite fun to drive around! :)

                                7. Take LOTS of pictures! Even if you don't like your picture taken, do it anyway. You never know when you will be back to Disney World and you will want those memories!                                   

                                   8. HAVE FUN!! You are at the happiest place on earth, so enjoy yourself, forget your worries, forget life back home, and have the time of your life. 

Well, there you have it. My Disney trip in a nutshell. What a blast we had. I am so thankful I was healthy enough to make it because it was definitely a trip of a lifetime. Getting out of your normal routine and going on an adventure is the recipe for health and happiness; even if you don't have cancer. Life can be difficult. Everyone seems to be going through their own personal struggles these days. Doing something new and different can break up the monotonous lifestyle we lead. So, my advice to you is this: Take the Trip, Buy the shoes, Eat the cake, cause life is short and the time is NOW!

Even though I'm 25+ years old and have kids of my own, Disney brings out the kid in me and that's a good thing! Good bye Disney World! Until next time....

Juice, Juice, Juice

 JUICE:

 I first heard about juicing just over 5 years ago. It was definitely a foreign concept to me. But I was intrigued. So, I purchased a juicer and began the life of juicing. However, I didn't know that exactly 4 years later I would be diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer and would need that juicer now more than ever. I was only ever an occasional juicer, but now, I am an avid juicer. I drink between 40-60 ounces every day. I believe it plays an important role in healing my body and restoring my cells back to the way God created them to be. I have four juice recipes that I rotate between, but I am only sharing two with you today!

Here is my first juice recipe: Carrot juice

Carrot Juice Recipe:

Equal parts carrot and apple(1 apple = 3 carrots)

1 lemon(I leave the skin on)

1 large piece of ginger(ginger is spicy so start out small and adjust to taste)

1 small piece of turmeric

Push it all through your juicer, strain, pour into a glass, and enjoy!

My other juice recipe is: Green juice

 

                                                                           Hehe :)

Green juice recipe:

2 green apples

1 cucumber

6 stalks celery

half of a lemon

2 large handfuls of kale/spinach

1 large piece of ginger

1 small piece of turmeric

Mix it all up and enjoy!

And there you have it! Two very delicious and very healthy juice recipes to help you on your journey to health. Bottoms up!