The day my baby went to Heaven

April 24, 2013 is not just any day in history, it's the day my baby went to Heaven. He would have been 5 years old this year. He would most likely be running through the house with his two older brothers firing nerf guns at each other or building legos together or jumping on the trampoline or riding his bike. I imagine him as a happy, go lucky kid full of personality and wit. He probably would have kept me on my toes. I imagine he would have had a redish tint to his hair and sprinkling of freckles across his cheeks and cute little nose. I imagine he would have fit perfectly in our home. I think he would have brought such joy and laughter to our family had he not left this world in a hurry. And oh boy would he have been loved to pieces. 

Five years ago, I went into labor knowing the outcome of leaving the hospital with a baby was slim. Nonetheless, I had hoped beyond hoped we would. He came into the world in a hurry and left the world in the same fashion. He was in such an awful big hurry. Why? Because he knew he would go straight into the arms of Jesus that day and he was beyond thrilled to get there. I still don't understand why he couldn't stay with me and be my baby boy here on earth, but I don't fault him for wanting to be with Jesus. I do too.

I held his lifeless body in my arms and cried. I kissed his little cheek and touched his precious little feet and toes. Though his little body was far from whole, he is complete and whole in heaven. I miss what would have been. I miss what could have been. And I miss him. Thank you Jesus for entrusting his life to me. Although it was a short life, it was a beautiful life and I am so thankful I had the pleasure of being his mom. 

A piece of my heart lives in Heaven and a piece of heaven lives in my heart. He will always be remembered and never forgotten. He was and is a member of the Seals family and will always be my baby boy. Happy 5th birthday Brasen Creed Seals. You are loved.

Believe Big

So, you know how there are times in life when something takes place that you know is more than a coincidence? Something so divine that you know it is nothing short of a God thing? Well, that happened to me about a month and a half ago. 

Ryan and I were in Florida for FCA Reel time and had an amazing time! We met so many awesome people. People all with one common goal and vision. I absolutely LOVE meeting new people and had a blast getting to fellowship with FCAer's from all across America. But one woman in particular stood out from the rest, though, because she survived cancer. Stage 4 colon cancer no less. 

When you have cancer, you just seem to gravitate to anyone and everyone that has had cancer and is still living. It's like they're an anomaly or something. When you have cancer, you're always looking for the answer, the key, the guide, or the magic pill to cure your own cancer, so when you meet someone who has passed that monumental 5 year mark and is still cancer free, you take notice.

Ivelisse had stage 4 colon cancer 10 years ago and cured it through her diet and through Misletoe. I have talked a little about Mistletoe on my blog in an earlier post. But it is an alternative cancer treatment that fights cancer. I started doing Mistletoe injections through a clinic in Meridian back in September. But I first heard about it from a newly found fellow breast cancer friend about a year ago. Now, I was a little skeptical at first, because, well, it's Mistletoe. It's a green leafy thing that comes out around Christmas time and is used for kissing. I had never heard of it in conjunction with cancer. But I was intrigued. We researched it. My breast cancer friend also told me about this website called, "Believe Big" that offered grants to cancer patients to do IV mistletoe treatments. I remember looking at the website and feeling overwhelmed. I had barely found out I had cancer and my brain was on over load. I didn't know where to begin, who to talk to, and noticed that there weren't any clinics in my area that offered these IV Mistletoe treatments, so I researched no more and all but forgot about "Believe Big".

Fast forward to the end of February at Reel Time and meeting Ivelisse, the founder of "Believe Big". We're at a convention with more than 1500 people and I meet the very lady that started this foundation that I had looked into a year prior. Not a coincidence. 

Now, fast forward to today, I received a grant from "Believe Big" to do these IV Mistletoe treatments in Denver. I will be traveling down there the end of this month and will be doing 10 treatments. I will be there for almost 2 weeks. I'm excited and nervous, but really hopeful. I believe God has lead me to this clinic and this treatment, so I'm excited to see what God is going to do. I have never been away from my kids for more than 6 days, so this will be a stretch for me. But I am praying it will be a rewarding, healing time while I am away. 

When things in life happen that are out of our control(like cancer), we can respond in a myriad of ways. We can become angry and bitter, we can become sad and depressed or we can become hopeful. I have experienced all of these emotions at one time or another. Sometimes all of them at once. But I keep coming back to "hopeful". I believe God is calling me to trust him and to have "hope" that I will be healed and cancer free someday soon. I believe God is calling me to, "Believe Big".

I would so appreciate your prayers as I begin this new journey in my cancer process. It will be a stretching, growing time, but one that I hope proves fruitful.  

Will you believe big with me?

                                           

https://www.gofundme.com/kimi-seals-medical-expenses

The day I wrote a book

Almost exactly one year ago, I was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. My official one year anniversary has almost arrived. I feel as if I have hit a huge milestone in my life and should celebrate royally! Another year survived and another year alive- that's something to celebrate!
This cancer journey has been nothing short of a crazy, scary, amazing, blessed, stretching, growing, refining, shocking, trusting experience. I have grown so much in a year. I am learning so much about myself and who I am and who God is. And I still have so much more to learn, but it's amazing what can happen in one year. And it's crazy to think that exactly one year ago my cancer journey began as well as another journey. My journey of becoming an accidental author and publishing my very first book began the same day that I found out I had cancer. What a CRAZY, super cool experience that has been. Never in a million years would I have imagined writing and publishing my own book. But then again, never in a million years did I expect to get cancer at the age of 34. You just never know what's going to happen in life. I am so totally for YOLO- You only live once. Because that is exactly what we get; one life and we need to make the absolute MOST of this one life we have. I have learned to not take this life for granted. Life and health is such a gift that I never truly understood until cancer came into the picture. When the big "C" came, I felt such an overwhelming urge to write a book. It was more than an urge, it was God speaking to me, nudging me, whispering into my ear, "cancer came so you can write a book".  So I did.
When I look back and really truly think about it, I can't believe that I actually did that. I don't even know how I did it or how I had the time, energy, brain power, stamina, and everything else you need to have when writing words down in a coherent manor. How did I do it?  I had so many doctor appointments, scans, pills, meds, infusions and everything else under the sun filling my time and stealing my thoughts with my cancer. How did I write a book in 6 months? God- that's how. God in all his grace, gave me all that I needed to face this long, intense cancer journey and the same God of all grace gave me what I needed to write my very first book! Now that is a true miracle. But I shouldn't really be that surprised, because God is in the business of performing miracles. The verse, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me", runs through my head constantly. God has given me the strength to not only face cancer with a fierce determination to beat it and to live, and he has given me the strength to do the things that I never thought would be possible- becoming an author. I call myself an "accidental author" because writing books at this stage in my life was not on my radar. It was something I had imagined for myself when I was a kid, but not something I planned to do at the age of 34 with 4 little kids to raise, being a wife and mama. But God had other plans. Isn't that always the case? We can plan our course, but God is the one who directs our steps.

Cancer was and is a very scary reality in my life right now. It's been a huge life changing, faith boosting, mind strengthening, fear inducing battle. I have never before put my life, trust, hope and faith into the hands of Jesus like I have since this journey began. I'm not sure where I will be a year from now or what this next year will hold, but knowing God holds my future in His hands and has a plan and a purpose for my life no matter how long or short it is gives me peace.

As for now, my future holds more cancer treatment. More alternative treatments. Eating healthy, taking supplements, getting rid of this crazy cancer and writing my 2nd book. I will basically be living in Denver for 2 weeks the end of this month, so my hope is to get a good portion of my second book completed and Lord willing, get it published this fall. Eeekk!!

 This life is a tricky one. With lots of twists and turns. We don't know where our journey will take us, what we will do or become, but our job is to make the most of this one life we have been given. Give it your all. Do your best. Do all the things that you never thought possible. Be the best you that you can be. We won't get out of this life alive, so make the most of the time you have. I am learning that. Every day I am learning more and more. Learning to let go and let God.

Seeing my book on Amazon has been beyond amazing. It's a dream come true. A dream I never really dreamed, but God ordained. I truly can't describe how it feels to accomplish something like that. I am feeling all the feels. If you want to check it out, here is the link-
https://www.amazon.com/Beauty-Ashes-Journey-through-cancer/dp/0999470094/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1522900806&sr=8-1&keywords=kimi+seals


Thank you to those who have loved me, supported me, and have helped me along this journey! I couldn't have done it without you! You just never know what might happen in your life. You just might do that thing that scares you the most, but brings you the most joy. That thing that gave you the most satisfaction. Gave you hope. Gave you life. Do that thing, because life is short. So, do it today!