We have all made plans at some point in our life. We plan out just about everything. Work, trips, parties, friends, grocery shopping, etc. There always seems to be a plan for just about everything in life. It all started when we were young. Our mother planned out our naps, our feedings were planned, our play dates were planned and so forth. That is how our life began and how the trend continued throughout every facet of our lives.
You know how when you were a kid and you dreamt of what your life would be like when you became an adult and all the possibilities and excitement for the future seemed to ooze out of your every pore? How you just couldn't wait to grow up and become something amazing; do something amazing. When you were in grade school you were asked that question, "What do you want to be when you grow up, "And we would answer with, "A fireman, a teacher, a police officer, etc.". From the moment of birth, you are achieving goals and milestones and are expected to continue that throughout your life; always moving forward to reach the next stage in life. Growing up and becoming another year older is constantly on your mind. You just can't wait to lose your first tooth. Waiting to be double digits seemed to take forever. Then you can't wait to be a teenager and have more freedom. Oh! And getting your driver's license on your sweet 16th is like a dream come true. Turning 18 and graduating from high school is thrilling, yet terrifying. Mostly thrilling. And finally, you reached that seemingly unattainable age of 18. You feel mature and wise beyond your years, ready to take on the world. Your future is at your finger tips; bright and optimistic. It's the first time in your young life that you feel as if you can do anything that you put your mind to. The possibilities are endless. You make lists, you create a dream board, you fantasize, you ponder and you plan out your future accordingly. The next step in your every progressing life, is finding out what you want to do with the rest of it. You dream of going to college and getting just the right degree which will land you just the right job. You dream of finding the right guy which will naturally end with a magical proposal. You dream of getting engaged to Mr. right and picking out the most perfect wedding dress. You dream of organizing and planning out the most amazing wedding which the world has never before seen, which, coincidently, is not all that difficult since you have been planning all those details since you were about the age of 4. You dream of getting married, having kids and having your very own family. You dream of growing old with the man of your dreams to a ripe old age of 91, at the very least. You dream of every thing being exactly what you always hoped for- your very own happily ever after.
Now, things aren't always perfect and you know that. Thoughts of pain, heartache, relationship troubles, disease and death brush across your mind from time to time, but those thoughts are fleeting and won't remain as the core of your existence. Why would they? You're young. You're in control. You're invincible.
But what happens when things don't go according to the plan? When everything falls apart before it even began? When life is cut short. When your dad walks out on your family. When you lose your job. When your marriage falls apart. When your "friends" betray you. When disease and cancer come?
What happens then? Aren't we told to ALWAYS stick to the plan? How can you have a plan if you don't follow it? It's not the plan anymore. It can't be.
Finding out that I had cancer at the age of 34 was not in the plan. In fact, there have been quite of few things in my life that haven't gone according to plan. Skin cancer and losing my baby boy were not part of the plan either. From the outside, my plan looks a little like, "It appears there was a struggle". And yes, there have been copious amounts of "struggle" in my life. The struggle is real, folks. It's painful and it hurts. There are so many things in my life I wish were different- especially this cancer. So many things that didn't pan out the way I had envisioned and dreamed. I feel cheated, defeated and even slightly betrayed. Why didn't my life go according to the plan? Why did God allow these things into my life? Didn't He get the memo? Didn't He see what I wanted out of life? Didn't He see all my aspirations and goals? Didn't He realize that I wanted to watch my children grow up and I wanted to become a cute, little old lady with an adorable hat and cane? How did He not know the plan? How could He get it wrong?
But you know what? I have realized something. Maybe everything in my life, and in your life, thus far, as gone according to the plan, down to the very minute detail? Maybe it's gone according to the plan more than our plan would have? Maybe it's been EXACTLY what the plan was supposed to be all along?
Maybe the plan has been- there is no plan. Even though we created our plans and fully intended to carry them out, maybe it wasn't in our power to create them? Maybe it's been God's plan from the very start. And it all began when we were formed in our mother's womb.
God knew, before we were born, who we were going to be and what we were going to do. He knows the number of our days and has a plan for our life. He has the whole world in his hands and He's got the master plan. It's not the rough draft, but the finally copy. It's not etched in pencil with things scribbled or crossed out from us changing the plan. It's etched in blood. In Jesus blood; the blood He shed for us on the cross when He died for us. If God, who didn't have a written "plan" or blueprints to create the world, could breathe into existence, not only the entire universe, but you and me and make it something beautiful. Then why could He not be trusted with holding our plan in His ever capable hands?
The sting of a life gone awry is difficult to accept. I know it is. I'm right there with you in the trenches. I wanted an easy, healthy, fun life. I wanted to grow old with my husband. Just like a kid, I am waiting in anticipation for my next birthday, that next milestone, because then I know that I am still alive to grow another year older. Growing older truly is a gift that not all receive. Knowing that God has a plan and purpose doesn't make all the pain and heartache go away. But knowing who God is and knowing that we are just passing through this life onto the next, reaching our finally milestone, -life in heaven. That will help to put our lives into perspective. We know why we are here and where we are going when the end comes. We can trust that God knows what He is doing and that He is waiting, with arms open, for us to complete our life race and He will be there to greet us at the pearly gates.
This life and journey can be one full of disappointments. When we look at our circumstances and the world around us, we get stressed and depressed, but looking to God we know we are blessed. It's not a life gone awry, but a life gone a-right. God has been with us from the beginning and He won't leave us now. He can be trusted. When we think that our plan has failed and fallen apart, that's when we come to find out that the plan is exactly what it was meant to be. We have followed the plan all along- God's plan.
